


How To Be A Fabulous Gay Dark Lord

by Arcangelo



Series: Adventures of the Sassy Dark Lord [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Crack Fic, Creature Inheritance, Evil Harry Potter, Evil Voldemort, Implied/Referenced Mpreg, Lord Voldemort is sassy, M/M, Male Slash, Not Beta Read, Not Canon Compliant, Out of Character, Parody, Sorry Not Sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-19
Updated: 2016-01-19
Packaged: 2018-05-15 00:42:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5765203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arcangelo/pseuds/Arcangelo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lord Voldemort is annoyed that his crush thinks he hates him and he is craving Starbucks and catnip, but on the upside Lucius and Wormtail are loyal.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How To Be A Fabulous Gay Dark Lord

* * *

**How to Be A Fabulous Gay Dark Lord**  
**Part 1 of 'Adventures of the Sassy Dark Lord'**  
_Future Lord Voldemort/Harry Potter_  
**Crack Fic**  
“This is talking aloud.”  
**_“This is Parseltongue.”  
_**

* * *

****“LUCIUS!” Voldemort whined to his right hand man.

“Yes my Lord?” Lucius answered while painting his Lord’s nails a bright pink with green lightning bolts to represent his extremely unhealthy crush for Harry Potter but Lucius could see the appeal, he had lost the awful glasses and fixed his whole appearance, he was a sight to see.

“Hare Bear still thinks I hate him.” Voldemort pouts at such an accusation. He would never hate his Harrykins!

“I’m sorry my Lord, it’s that blasted Dumblydoor.”

“Yes, he needs to be die painfully so I can have my Hare Bear and we can have beautiful kittens.” The Dark Lord said referring to his Neko inheritance that he received years ago, only his followers knew about it. He didn’t want the stupid Order of the Flaming Chickens finding his weakness as a submissive Neko.

Not that he would ever admit it was a weakness, he was powerful but he still needed his mate to have kittens and ground his power.

“Wormtail!”

A mouse like man came into the room, sniveling and cowardly like usual. “Yes my Lord?”

“GET ME SOME STARBUCKS AND CATNIP!”

Wormtail bowed to the point that his nose was touching the ground. “Yes master!”

Lord Voldemort nodded in satisfaction, Wormtail has always been a good follower. Not a very powerful one but his Animagus form was useful for many things.

He giggled and clapped excitedly. **_“NAGINI!”_ **

**_“Yessss Massster.”_ **

**_“Can we change you scales to pink again? Pwetty pwease with a Wormtail on top?”_ **

Nagini nodded in acceptance, she couldn’t deny her master when he was in a good mood, he was just too adorable for words, he will always be her hatchling.

“YAY!” He got up and did a happy dance careful to not mess up his nails that Lucius has so masterfully done for him.


End file.
